Woman abruptly ends a friendship over a comment from social media. After some time, the friend wonders why she never spoke to her about it: ‘I just accepted that we had become more casual friends. But instead of saying that, I made up some dumb excuse.’

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Olivia Arocena • Writer and Editor
Jul 19, 2026 4:00 PM EDT

Sometimes we can't speak at the right time

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about when it's the right time to express ourselves. Sometimes, a problem arises, and we speak too quickly, at a time when everyone involved is defensive and nobody understands what's really going on. Other times, we decide to speak when it's too late, and we hurt someone for a long time with our silence. I think this is what happened to this Redditor, whom I believe didn't have the courage to speak in the moment and let everything be, under a false pretense of an ability to let go that actually covered cowardice. What do you think? Should we let everything be, always? Or should we make an effort to repair when we think our relationships are suffering?

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  • a person holding a smartphone with social media on the screen
    via Berke Citak

    The woman about to make the comment that started everything

    Image is representative

  • Regret not speaking up in the moment

    Do you ever regret not speaking up when you had an opening? A few years ago my friend, Sarah, posted on social that her pet d d. I
    via Odd_Obligation_1300
  • responded to the post with my condolences. A week later she texted me that she was upset I hadn't checked on her since.
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  • I was flabbergasted. This is a friend who went from including me in her life almost every week to only once or twice a year. She had become too busy with
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  • two women arguing
    via Anton Malanin

    The two women fighting over a comment

    Not actual subjects from the story

  • her other friends. I didn't feel as close as we used to be and just accepted that we had become more casual friends.
    via Odd_Obligation_1300
  • But instead of saying that, I made up some dumb excuse. Then, last year, at my husband's request, I
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  • invited her and her family to join us at our lake house in the summer. She said. she'd check her schedule. I think I asked in may. She never got back to me.
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  • At the very end of summer she texted to say she was sorry she never followed up and the summer has been too busy.
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  • This was my chance. I could have said something. like thank you, I appreciate your apology - but instead I said "that's ok!" Which is very different. I can accept
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  • an apology, but I shouldn't have made it sound like it was just no big deal. Then this year we hosted a big party and I invited her family (understanding that
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  • they probably wouldn't come, and didn't care either way). She said "I'll let you know" and never did. Then she proceeded to send me dumb reels weeks after the party.
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  • I really wish I had spoken up in these moments. Now that the moments have passed, it feels wrong, especially since I've long ago accepted the causal relationship and am busy with my other friends.
    via Odd_Obligation_1300
  • woman looking at cellphone
    via Lensabl

    The woman reflecting on past mistakes

  • A pet can be really important to somebody’s life, even if we think it’s ridiculous. It can be a pet, a plant, a couch, whatever, but we should respect what our loved ones value. Sometimes, we don’t realize somebody could be hurt by us not reaching out about something, and instead of getting flabbergasted, we should make the effort to understand, explain why we didn’t communicate, and try to repair it. We should strive to do all that if we value the friendship in the first place, of course. I don’t think we should assume our friends will automatically act the way we want them to, and we shouldn’t assume they will understand where we are coming from at all times. Relationships require effort and frequent communication.

  • I guess I'm not looking for advice, just shared experiences.
    via Odd_Obligation_1300
  • sweetreleaf I think she's pulling away for a reason. commenting on a post is not the same as reaching out and offering personal condolences imo. I think it's worth a real discussion if it means something to you.just because the moment has
    via Odd_Obligation_1300
  • passed doesn't mean it's not worth a larger discussion about where your friendship is at.
    via Odd_Obligation_1300

  • I think this woman should reach out to her friend, no matter how much time has passed, and explain what happened and why she acted the way she did; maybe that doesn’t repair the friendship, but it will be a good gesture, and that’s always worth it.

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friendship friends toxic relationship
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